When I was growing up, my mom impressed upon me and my sisters the importance of wearing "proper" clothing to church. She was taught the same principles by my grandmother, who always was as neat as a pin and who prided herself on her clothing. It wasn't anything expensive, it was just tidy and modest and attractive.
We were taught to wear dresses or skirts to church services, and if we were wearing pants at an activity, we certainly were not to walk into the chapel. To this day, if I am helping to clean the church and I have to go into the chapel to vacuum and I'm wearing jeans, I feel very weird.
I realize that there is a spectrum of what is nowadays deemed "appropriate" for church wear. Frankly, I'm just happy that people show up to church, and I keep my opinion to myself if they are not dressed the way that I feel comfortable dressing myself for church. My husband balks at wearing a suit (though I think he looks absolutely dreamy in one), and for that matter, a tie, so sometimes he wears a shirt with no tie, dressier pants and tennis shoes. I don't care, except for the fact that I would really like to iron his clothes sometimes. Killer wears a suit and tie, mainly because that is expected of the Priests who are blessing the sacrament. He also looks good dressed that way, and he knows it.
The topic of what to wear to church has been in the back of my mind lately because of a new friend of mine. She is a new convert, but has been quite religious throughout her life. I visit teach her, and at this month's visit she brought up her concern that she really didn't have dresses or skirts in her closet that weren't casual or shorter than she was seeing the rest of the women wearing. She asked my companion and I about wearing garments and how that affected what we wore. She said something like we both looked quite normal in our jeans and t-shirts, and we pointed out what was covered and where. I don't quite know her well-enough to offer to go shopping with her or send her links to some websites that sell modest clothing, if she was interested in putting some new things in her closet. It made me think of a story told by Anne Osborn Poehlman (known in my work world as Dr. Anne Osborn, Queen of Neuroradiology--but I digress). When she first joined the church, she wore her very favorite pink suit one Sunday. It always made her feel beautiful. But someone criticized her for how short her skirt was, and it hurt her feelings. I hope that no one ever says something to my friend that makes her feel unwelcome or like she doesn't fit in. She's already quite loved and welcomed by the ward family, so I don't think that would happen.
I also happened upon a blog discussion (here) about wearing pants to church. Frankly, I have worn pants to church once, because I was traveling, not expecting to go to church, but my traveling companion and I decided that we'd track the nearest meeting down. I.felt.weird. It just isn't me. But it doesn't really bug me when I see women wearing pants in church. As I said before, I'm just happy to see people at church, and I realize not everyone's circumstance or upbringing is the same.
One of my friends announced at book club that she and her family will be moving to Utah this summer. We were teasing her about how different it will be, and I said that people will think she's weird for wearing flip-flops to church year-round and never wearing hose. It's so California. I haven't even purchased panty hose in years, probably even before I moved out here. In New York, it was either no hose or very cute, patterned hose or tights.
So, what are your "rules" for church attire? Do you ever cringe secretly (or not-so-secretly) at some things you see people wearing? (To be honest, I'm not thrilled with how some of our Young Women dress for church, but maybe that's just me, and I wouldn't ever go up to them and say something about it.) What would you say, if anything, to a new convert or an investigator about what to wear to church? Has anyone ever made an unkind comment to you about something you have worn? Frankly, as far as my friend goes, I have never seen her wear anything that wasn't tasteful and modest to church. She's very intelligent, and I think that she'll probably just figure out what works for her.
3 comments:
I like this post.
Like you, I don't care what other people where to church. I know that when I was serving in the primary, short (I'm talkin' knee length) skirts were a problem because of picking up kids, etc. I wish I could have just worn a pant suit sometimes, but it just isn't the way I was raised. I think it's tricky to find clothes that stay where they are supposed to as I negotiate my children and other children around and look cute. I bet you could have introduced your friend to some of the websites we Mormon women use.
a rule of thumb from tamara was no denim at church. it was considered too casual for the sabbath. so even if it was a skirt, it was not sunday-appropriate at our house. neither were flip-flops. while we all have our own variation of what is appropriate I think you are right on target keeping the focus on the fact that at least we're there and worshipping.
On my mission there were so many people that couldn't afford to have clothes just for Sunday, and I learned that I shouldn't be judgy about it, but just happy to see them there.
I had some blouses that were too fussy to be practical, and I gave those to a new member - she was thrilled.
That said, my current Stake has asked that members with Sunday-type clothes that they no longer wear donate them for the use of other members who may not be able to afford Sunday-type clothes. I think that's a nice thing.
But if a person has the money, but chooses to wear things that some would consider "inappropriate", I think that's between them and the Lord. It's really not my business, except to get over my judgy feelings and welcome and love them.
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