My Fairy Tale Life

STEPMOTHER. The word just sounds ugly, and is it possible to say it without at least thinking "evil" before it?

Four years ago, when I married Rowdy, I didn't really know what to think about being a stepmother. Definitely, I didn't want to be the wicked kind. Rowdy said that I'm just a mother, not a stepmother or "Jayvee" version of a mother. My mothering was just as valid as the mom who bore the kids.

Annnddd...I just couldn't quite believe that. After all, she did bear them, care for them from their births, sit up with them when they were sick. I was just the one-weekend-a-month mom. Not to say that I didn't just fall in love with all three of them from the get-go, and not that we don't have a good relationship (well, one of them de-friended me on FB, but I'm a mom, not a friend, so whatever). It's just that I felt neither fish nor fowl.

It occurred to me this morning as I was considering some parenting issues that we've been having that what I really wanted to be was the Fairy Godmother. I swept into their lives with the time, desire, money and experience to grant their every reasonable, life-improving wish and give them the whole wide world.

Well, life isn't like that, although I do have my own particular gifts and skills that I can give the kids, and I know there has been a reciprocal relationship when it comes to enhancing each others' lives. Part of the "problem", if you can call it that, is that I came along at exactly the period in their lives that kids start to pull away from parents. They didn't need me to tuck them in or read them stories or teach them to walk. But they do need nutritious meals, a good example, a listening ear and encouragement.

I'm just frustrated because I thought that I could turn a young man who has potential but little drive into a go-getter living up to his potential with a wave of my magic wand. He has a different timetable and different needs than I do, and I just can't change that. He's got to want to make changes, and when he's ready, I hope that I can be there to help. I'll definitely be there to cheer him on. Meanwhile, can he just turn his dang homework in???

And with that, let's go to the Gratitude Five for today:

1. Two of my colleagues each lost a parent this week. These coworkers are younger than me, so their parents can't be all that old. I'm grateful that my parents are well overall, though my mom slipped the other day and gave herself a good shiner and maybe a broken nose. They look and act much younger than their ages, because they have energy and are interested in life.

2. We have a new lawn. It's artifical grass, but it looks very spiffy, especially compared to our neighbors' lawns that are all dying because of water restrictions and the plague of bunnies we have. I'm grateful that Rowdy spent the time to organize the whole things and tear out the sod. And, as a bonus, I'm grateful for the savings in our water bill and in our water usage.

3. The internet is a marvelous thing. I'm thankful for the ability to keep in touch with so many of my friends. My BFF Stephanie and I emailed back and forth today. She gave me some good suggestions about how to help K with his schoolwork issue.

4. I'm grateful that, when I was done working late and starving and had an empty larder (almost), I was able to pick up a roasted chicken at the grocery store, have K make us oven fries with the yam in the pantry that was lonely and finish the last of the salad from yesterday.

5. I'm grateful for Tootsie Rolls, just because they're yummy.